Synonyms for Masturbation
For women:
- Applying lip gloss
- Basting the tuna
- Brushing the beaver
- Burying the knuckle
- Butterin' the muffin
- Checking my oil
- Checking the foxhole
- Checking the status of the I/O port
- Circling the knoll
- Cleaning my fur coat
- Cleaning your fingers
- Creamin' the pie
- Digging for my keys
- Digitating
- Doing my nails
- Doing something for my chapped lips
- Doing the Two Finger Slot Rumba
- Drinking from the fountain of youth (for uѕ contortionists)
- Drooling
- Dusting the endtable
- Entering the ring of fire
- Fare un ditolino (Italian: to do a little finger)
- Finger blasting
- Finger fuck
- Finger pie
- Flicking the bean
- Flossing the cat
- Frigging
- Getting a stain out of my carpet
- Going Mining
- Gusset typing
- Hula-hooping
- Itching the ditch
- JocelynEldering
- Killing off
- Licking my lips (for uѕ contortionists)
- Looking for Waldo & his dog (gee, spot, there you are!)
- Makin' waves for the man-in-the-boat
- Making soup
- Nulling the void
- Paddling the pink canoe
- Parting the red sea
- Petting Snoopy
- Playing solitare
- Playing The Silent Trombone
- Playing the beaver
- Pokin' the pucker
- Polishing the wedding ring
- Preheating the oven
- Producing whore moans (hormones, get it? ;^)
- Pussy poking
- Riding the waterslide
- Rolling the dough
- Rubbin' the nubbin
- Scratching the patch
- Secret vice
- Shooting hoops
- Shooting the rapids
- Slapping the Mackerel
- Snatching
- Soaking in Palmolive
- Spelunking
- Stiffening my upper lip
- Stirring it up
- Stoking the furnace
- Strumming the banjo
- Surfin' the channel
- Taking a dip
- The two fingered tango
- Tickling the taco
- Toggling the bit
- Unclogging the drain
- Visiting Niagra Falls
- Visiting your safety deposit box
- Whipping your nest
- Working in the garden
for Men:
- A big date with Rosy Palms
- Adjusting your set
- Applying the hand brake
- Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
- Auditioning the finger puppets
- Auditioning your hand puppet
- Backstroke roulette
- Bashing the Bishop
- Bashing the candle
- Beating off
- Beating the balogna
- Beating the bed flute
- Beating the Bishop
- Beating the dummy
- Beating the old man
- Beating the pud
- Beating the stick
- Beating your meat
- Beef-stroke-it-off
- Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
- Being your own best friend
- Biffing off
- Bleed the weed
- Blowing the load
- Blowing your own horn
- Bludgeoning the beefsteak
- Bobbing your boloney
- Bopping Richard
- Bopping the bishop
- Bopping the bolgney
- Bopping the Bonzo
- Boxing the bald champ
- Boxing the clown
- Boxing the jesuit and getting cockroaches
- Boxing with Richard
- Buffin' the bishop
- Buffing the banana
- Buffing the rifle
- Buggering your hand
- Burping the baby
- Burping the worm
- Buttering the corn
- Caning the vandal
- Capturing the bishop
- Charming the snake
- Checking for testicular cancer
- Cheesing off
- Choking Kojak
- Choking the bald guy until he pukes
- Choking the chicken
- Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
- Churning your butter
- Clamping the pipe
- Cleaning your rifle
- Clearing the snorkel
- Climbin the tree
- Climbing Mount Baldy
- Clobbering the Kleenex
- Closet Frisbee
- Clubbing the clam
- Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
- Coming into your own
- Coming to grips with yourself
- Cooking the cream of cock
- Corralling the tadpoles
- Couch hockey for one
- Cranking the love pump
- Cranking the monkey
- Cranking the shank
- Crimping the wire
- Crowning the king
- Cuddlin' the Kielbasa
- Cuffing the carrot
- Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
- Dating Miss Michigan (think geography)
- Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
- Decongesting the weasel
- Defrosting the fridge
- Diddling
- Digging for change
- Digitally oscillating one's penis
- Doin' The Solitary Rhumba
- Doing a hand job
- Doing battle with the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love
- Doing handiwork
- Doing It Your Way
- Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
- Doing the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT
- Doing the janitor thing
- Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
- Doing the pork sword jiggle
- Doing the White Knuckler
- Doing your own thing
- Downing at the club (for members only)
- Draining the monster
- Draining the poisons from the building
- Driving the skin bus
- Dry humping the ottoman
- Dundering the devil-dolphin
- Electing the president
- Engaging in safe sex
- Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of its denim cell
- Faxing Jimmy Dean
- Faxing the Pope
- Feeding the ducks
- Firing the flesh musket
- Firing the Surgeon General
- Fishing for zipper trout
- Fist fucking
- Fisting your mister
- Five-finger solo
- Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
- Five on one
- Flick on over the thumb
- Flapping Takkie (South African)
- Flaying the Emperor
- Flicking the bic
- Flipping the Bishop
- Flogging the bishop
- Flogging the dog
- Flogging the dolphin
- Flogging the dong
- Flogging the frog
- Flogging the hog
- Flogging the log
- Flogging the mule
- Flogging the salami
- Flogging your dumber brother
- Flute solo
- Fly fishing
- Fondling the fig
- Freeing Willy
- Friggit
- Frosting the pastries
- Galloping the antelope
- Galloping the old lizard
- Genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion
- Getting a date with Slick Mittens
- Getting a grip on things
- Getting a stiffy
- Getting chafed
- Getting off
- Getting the German soldier marching
- Getting the glue stick
- Getting to know yourself
- Getting your palm read by Mister Softee
- Getting your palm red
- Getting your pole varnished
- Giving it a tug
- Giving yourself a low five
- Glazing the donut
- Gluing the lady's eye's shut
- Going a couple of rounds with ol' josh
- Going blind
- Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
- Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
- Going on Peewee's little adventure
- Going the blow
- Grappling the gorilla
- Greasing the pipe
- Gripping the pencil
- Hacking the hog
- Han Solo
- Hand job
- Hand Shandy
- Handy work
- Hanging the old man
- Hard labor
- Having a ball
- Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
- Having a date with Fisty Palmer
- Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
- Having a ham shank
- Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)
- Having a one-night-stand with yourself
- Having a Sherman (British)
- Having a tug
- Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
- Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
- Having dinner
- Having it off
- Having sex with someone you love
- Hitchhiking to heaven
- Hitchhiking underneath the big top
- Holding my own
- Holding the sausage hostage
- Honing the cone
- Hugging the hog
- Humping the hose
- Ironing some wrinkles
- Jack hammering
- Jacking off
- Jazzing yourself
- Jerkin' the gherkin
- Jerking Jamby
- Jerking off
- Jerking the turkey
- Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
- Jizzlobbing
- Juggling the coullions
- Just jerkin' it
- Kicking seamen
- Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
- Killing it
- Kneading my knockwurst.
- Knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
- Knuckling the bone
- La veuve poignet (French)
- Launching the hand shuttle
- Looking for ticks
- Loping the mule
- Loves labors lost
- Loving the muppet
- Lubing the Tube
- Making a foreskin cone
- Making friends with Big Ed
- Making instant pudding
- Making the bald man puke
- Making the scene with the magazine
- Making vanilla jism shakes
- Making yourself at home
- Mangling the midget
- Manipulating the mango
- Manning the cockpit
- Manual labor
- Manual override
- Master bacon
- Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
- Meeting Rosie Hancock
- Meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
- Milking one's self
- Milking the bull
- Milking the cow
- Milking the lizard
- Milking the moose
- Milking the weasel
- Minding my own business
- Molesting the mole
- Mounting a corporal and four
- Much goo about nothing
- My sex life!
- Nerking your throbber
- Oiling the glove
- Onan's Olympics
- Onanism
- One gun salute
- One man show
- One off the wrist
- Packing your palm
- Paddling the pickle
- Painting the ceiling
- Painting the pickle
- Painting the walls
- Palming the calm
- Peelin' some chiles
- Peeling the banana
- Peeling the carrot
- Performing a self-test
- Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
- Perling the oyster
- Petting the lizard
- Phoning the czar
- Pipping the pumpkin
- Playing a little five-on-one
- Playing a one-stringed guitar
- Playing in a one-man show
- Playing Peek-A-Boo With Mr. Johnson
- Playing peekaboo
- Playing pocket pinball
- Playing pocket pool
- Playing tag with the pink torpedo
- Playing the flesh flute
- Playing the one-stringed melody
- Playing the skin flute
- Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
- Playing Uno
- Playing with the spitting llama
- Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
- Pleasing your pisser
- Plunking your twanger
- Pocket pinball
- Pocket pool
- Pole vaulting
- Polishing Percy in your palm
- Polishing the beak
- Polishing the family jewels
- Polishing the helmet
- Polishing the rocket
- Polishing the sword
- Popping a nut
- Popping the cork
- Pounding off
- Pounding the bald-headed moose
- Pounding the pud
- Pounding your flounder
- Preparing the carrot
- Priming the pump
- Pud wrestling
- Pulling off
- Pulling rank
- Pulling the bologna pony
- Pulling the carrot
- Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
- Pulling the cord
- Pulling the five-knuckle shuffle
- Pulling the goalie
- Pulling the handbrake
- Pulling the pole
- Pulling the Pope
- Pulling the weed
- Pulling the wire
- Pulling your goalie
- Pulling your own leg
- Pulling your prick
- Pulling your pud
- Pulling your taffy
- Pummeling the priest
- Pumping cream
- Pumping the electric goo gun
- Pumping the gas at the self-service island
- Pumping the python
- Pumping the stump
- Punchin' the munchkin
- Punching the clown
- Punching the munchin
- Punishing Percy in the palm
- Punishing the Pope
- Qualifying in the testicular time trial
- Raising the mainsail
- Ramming the ham
- Rapid one arm pull-ups
- Reading poetry
- Relieving tension
- Riding the great white knuckler
- Rolling your own
- Romancing the bone
- Romeo and Himself
- Roping the pony
- Roping the Pope
- Roughing up the suspect
- Rubbing off
- Rubbing one out
- Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
- Rubbing the pink eraser
- Rubbing the rod
- Running off a batch by hand
- Running the cheeta
- Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
- Safest sex
- Sanding wood
- Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
- Schnauzer Shuffleboard
- Scouring the tower of power
- Scraping your horn
- Scratchin the itch
- Se branler (French)
- Se crosser (French)
- Se faire les cinq doigts de la main (French)
- Se passer un poignet (French)
- Secret handshake
- Self abuse
- Self-induced penile regurgitation
- Self-inflicted intercourse
- Sex with someone you really love
- Shagging
- Shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln
- Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
- Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
- Shaking Hands with Mr. President
- Shaking hands with the general
- Shaking hands with the midget
- Shaking hands with the unemployed
- Shaking hands with the wife's best friend
- Shaking hands with your John Thomas
- Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
- Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
- Shaking the bottle
- Shaking the dice
- Shaking the hand of the self-employed
- Shaking the sauce
- Shaking the sausage
- Shaking the snake
- Shanking
- Shellacking the shellaleigh
- Shemping the hog
- Shifting gears
- Shining the helmet
- Shining the pork sword
- Shining your pole
- Shoot skeet (pull...shoot)
- Shooting flies
- Shooting for the moon
- Shooting putty at the moon
- Shooting tadpoles at the moon (from the movie "Totally Fucked Up")
- Shooting your wad
- Shuck The Corn
- Shucking your corn
- Slaking the bacon
- Slamming the ham
- Slamming the hammer
- Slamming the salami
- Slamming the salmon
- Slamming the spam
- Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
- Slappin the purple headed yogurt pistol
- Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
- Slapping it
- Slapping pappy
- Slapping the carrot
- Slapping the clown
- Slapping the donkey
- Slapping the FleshGopher
- Slapping the pud
- Slapping the salami
- Slinging the jelly
- Smacking the oompa loompa
- Smacking the salami
- Smacking the weasel
- Smacking-off
- Snapping one off
- Snapping the carrot
- Snapping the monkey
- Snapping the rubber
- Snapping the whip
- Solo flight
- Solo marathon
- Solo sex
- Spanking Cheetah
- Spanking Elvis
- Spanking Frank
- Spanking the bishop
- Spanking the monkey
- Spanking the salami
- Spanking the wank
- Spit-polishing the purple helmet
- Spunking
- Squeezing the cheese
- Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
- Squeezing the juice
- Squeezing the lemon
- Squeezing the weasel
- Squeezing your cheese-dog
- Stinky pinky
- Stirring the batter
- Stirring the yogurt
- Strainin' the main vein
- Strangling the Serpent
- Striking the pink match
- Stroking it
- Stroking off
- Stroking the dog
- Stroking the lizard
- Stroking the mole
- Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
- Stroking the satin-headed serpent
- Stroking the squirmin' German
- Stroking the wiener
- Stroking your poker
- Stroking your twinkie
- Taking a nap
- Taking a shake break
- Taking Herman to the circus
- Taking matters into your own hands
- Taking ol' one eye through the fly
- Taking part in population control
- Taking some time off
- Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
- Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
- Talking quietly to yourself
- Taming the shrew
- Taunting the one-eyed weasel
- Teasing the weasel
- Teasing the weenie
- Tenderizing the meat
- Tenderizing the tube steak
- Testicular tensile strength test
- Testing the testicles
- Testing your batteries
- That crazy hand jive
- The art of Unisex
- The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
- The five knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
- The serta solo
- Thrapping
- Throwing
- Throwing one
- Thumping the pump
- Ticklewigglejigglepickle
- Tickling my fancy
- Tickling the ivory
- Tickling the one-eyed weasel
- Tickling the pickle
- Tonking
- Torkin' the fork
- Torturing the tentacle
- Tossing off
- Tossing the salad
- Tossing the snag
- Tossing the turkey
- Tossing yogurt
- Treating yourself right
- Trouser snake CPR
- Tugging the slug
- Tugging the tapioca tube
- Tuning my horn
- Turning Japanese
- Twanging the wire
- Tweaking your twinkie
- Twisting your crank
- Twisting your tool
- Unloadinging the gun
- Using the Force on Darth Vader
- Varnishing the flagpole
- Violating the hedge-hog
- Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
- Wacking off
- Wacking the one-eyed worm
- Wacking the weasel
- Wacking the willie
- Waking the dead
- Waking Wee Willie Wonka
- Walking the dog
- Walking the plank
- Walking the snake
- Waltzing with Willy
- Wanking
- Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
- Washing the meat
- Waving the Magic Wand
- Waxing the car
- Waxing the carrot
- Waxing the dolphin
- Waxing your surfboard
- Whackin the weasel
- Whacking it
- Whacking off
- Whacking Willy
- Whipping off
- Whipping the bishop
- Whipping the dummy
- Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
- Whipping the rat
- Whipping the stiff
- Whipping the wire
- Whipping up some sour cream
- Whipping willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
- Whipping your dripper
- White-water wristing
- Whittling the stick
- Whizzing jism
- Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
- Wonking your conker
- Wonking your donk
- Workin' out a stiff joint
- Working off
- Working off a batch
- Wrestling the eel
- Wrestling the one-eyed monster
- Wrestling the purple headed warrior
- Wrestling with the bald champ
- Wringing out your rope
- Wrist aerobics
- Yanking off
- Yanking the crank
- Yanking the yoyo
- Yanking your plank
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